All I could say was,.You and your kids do not understand divorce nor have you supported me through any of it. Its tough when your own family supports an person who financially and emotionally hurt me with no reason as to why this all happened. Omg, I am going through a similar situation. See your family as people that seeks to use you for their own advantage and you wont have a hard time adjusting to the reality of family unloyalty. Who needs family as weak as they seem to be? You have been super women for your kids. Bless your heart, your not alone. This article is a textbook definition of solipsism at its finest. As a 15 year marriage and family therapist, your reply is perpetuating further psychological abuse for this woman. It amazes me how childish people become when a relationship ends. I went and continue to go through the same struggle but on the positive side, eventually, my children understood that what my ex did was for his own interests and not theirs. As the new. I now see that during the 17 years of marriage my husband planted little seeds of poison about me. completely stopped talking to my family, it is definitely a distanced relationship. My blood family can live with their choice, and I will live with mine. And being fully supported by my mother in law. They can do that without dragging my brothers peace of mind through the sewer. It never gets easier. Whatever you do dont become negative or complain about things. My parents are in their 70s and I know that what they did was wrong, I cant understand why no one else understood this. And he literally talked about me the whole time. Why should the sister-in-law/brother, father, mother, etc. I hope you meet your new source of supply, and still remain stuck in that grass is greener mentality. Why? Shes overstepped too much and shared personal information regarding me to my inlaws. Therefore my sisters stepped up their disrespectful game against me, and invited my ex-husband who physically/verbally abused me. There are two types of instances that would be aggravating factors. All these ignorant people soothing and comforting you are ignorant to your covert narcissist bullshit, but there will always be woke/enlightened empaths such as myself that will set free all the unfortunate souls that you put in a box via compartmentalization for a never ending source of narcissistic supply. And if you do, its not the best for your children. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? No one should have to cut ties with an in-law just because a spouse wants a divorce. Ive had it. Sorry I know it hurts but that will change one day too. That doesnt sit right with me. Im afraid I dont really have much advice for you but I do think its a lot for you to go through and if youve been handling it up to now the way you have Good for you. When she hangs out with his family still, that means that she still hopes that she can get . The result is that the family expects this and expects you to get along and make due with the relationships that you asked them to build. But wasnt believed and that was the most upsetting thing for me. When I separated from my husband I lost his family, who Id always adored and mine too. This family members basically told me their relationship with him has nothing to do with how he treated me during the divorce or our divorce at all. Whenever the ex is in town visiting, I disappear and never go over. He didnt afford me the same thing. Once you are in a relationship with a new person, still having photos of your ex is a big red flag. My dad took her side and laid into me about it (right when it happened, before I said anything to him). The pain you are feeling now will be lessened with time. I understand how you feel though. He might try to act cool and aloof, but at the same time, if there's a chance you might come across him, he has to look handsome, smell good, and walk straight. A lot of what I am reading in these posts sounds like narcissistic behavior on the part of abusers and families. My mother has outlived my father so everything was left to her, but my ex being named in that will was a complete slap in my face. He has been helping men and women get relationship succes since 2008. I cant understand it. Take care of yourself. You love him. This is proof right here. Be careful of the mask he wears!! I was closer to his mother than I was ever to my own, but his family has cut me out completely. I cannot express the hurt that this caused me. It wouldnt go over well at all, but is that what it would take? Its a very hard situation. Not true she medically neglected me and beat me for taking my inhaler amongst other things. female They have every right to continue their relationship though people are not disposable many in this world are to quick to throw someone away and no one has the right to ask another person to do that. Me and my ex had five kids in the house all together a set of twins where mine biological kids with her. Id be super pissed. I hate who Ive become. At day's end, you're an ex of her brother's, not the first and certainly not the last, and he is her brother forever. The same goes for texting her. they knew the extent of his violent temper and yet my parents who are against everything he was involved in, would visit him in jail. The way you speak about your daughter is disrespectful. If I was the father and my sons girlfriend come to me and tell me that she doesn't want to see my precious Nina, especially on my sons birthday, I would have kicked her so fast out of the house that she wouldn't even dare asking me anything ever again. "If you have children together, keep your relationships with your exs family, as it pertains to the children, civilized and cordial, but dont cross the line to where your ex is uncomfortable. Oh the woman who has caused so much hell, the woman that abused him & both kids for 16 years, the woman the is determined to cause his life to be miserable, Suprise that woman is back and living in your moms house! However, he will be ensuring he is coming across as caring, great father. My ex left me and kidnapped my kids while I was deployed. Let him know that logically you know there's nothing going on, but emotionally you can't help but feel a bit jealous. And I hope at this point theyve realized that theyre support needs to go to you. If it hurts it isnt love. Your divorced for a reason and the main reason is you no longer want him in your life. Educate yourself. I cant imagine inviting an ex to my bday party. I had a stroke and Im supposed to not have stress and this really gets me so angry. Dont let him sleep in your head rent free. I just cant believe their insensitivity. When a person is called brother-in-law, (sister in law, mother-in-law,) what that means is, he is a brother BY law. So for the last year my ex has been invited to family things. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded . remain firm, Im currently gong through this and would like to hear more what you would say to my specific situation. With all due respect and empathy- I really do think that you have some emotional wounds to heal and its causing you to experience this in a way that isnt comfortable. It has gone on for five years. They dont bring her up around me anymore. I think you should address why you feel uncomfortable around him to the extent that you are unable to spend a few hours with him on holidays etc. As grown adults, no longer in high school, we are very capable of ignoring the idea of a family member and the ex hanging out. So suppose that he compares you to his ex, and he doesnt realize that hes hurting you? its so immature to ask him to get lost, esp. I feel exactly as you do. Their ex may even become a new friend! Here are the 8 signs that he's still in love with his ex 1. why do you get so grouchy at him. Tell them how you feel and open up to them. Your family can be yours and can still be his. It was the path to freedom for me from my narcissistic, covertly controlling ex-husband. He man women haters club member. Today it took my breath to see my brother and sister-in-law friends with them on Facebook. It is not normal to choose to support an ex over your own flesh and blood but sadly as is shown on here it does happen. He's Still In Active Communication With Her If the person you are in a relationship with has children from a past marriage; trust me, the kids will always be a reason for her to call him or vice versa. I am so sorry you are in this situation too. Your kids had nothing to do with you two splitting up. I dont envy that. He sends her a daily message (one type of contact) to ask how the children are doing (why). She likes the girl for whatever reasons, but I'd put down good money that she's not willing to lose her son for any length of time to keep the girl around. You are leaving out all of the bat shit crazy things that you have done to drive your family to choose your more sane and rational ex over you. Im focusing on my own life and will soon be transferring to a four-year university to obtain my baccalaureate in journalism. Its all about how THEY feel. Those are his kids. Your email address will not be published. I can understand if he was just a ex, but you have children together. It sounds like you feel really isolated and that isnt fair, he doesnt get his family AND yours. They knew then, as well as now, that I sure the hell am not spending holidays with my ex!! This should not be about exclusion but learning to get a long despite marital changes. I know you posted this a year ago. I am sorry to say this, but I believe you should just deal with it. This woman took my husband which was a total POS but now she is taking my family away from me as well. Sometimes, in the real world, sides have to be taken. I was married for 20 years and was very unhappy and felt controlled by my ex my whole life. I feel betrayed and have lost any trust between my siblings and myself. They have been the only family I had for the last two decades. I hope they can forgive themselves when/if they finally take some blame for their lack of support. He promoted lies and created a division between my sisters and myself with the help of my younger sister. So now Ive lost yet another sister and her kids whose daughter hasnt seen my ex in 5 years but invited him to her wedding. My Stepmum gave up a baby and when they reconnected when he didnt behave how she wanted him to she kind of gave up on him. When I expressed my disappointment I was told I should INVITE MYSELF to these events!!! Published. And like I said, I had to give a simple answer: Yeah, hes still thinking about his ex.. I try to focus on all the good things in my life and the friends that have stood by my side and whom I call my unbiological family., Something similar has happened to me. My case is not near as bad as the original poster. My invitation didnt have a +1. thanks. Shes claiming to do it to be a good christian. I was married for 12 years. The biggest indicating factor for the acknowledgement of the gray area from family is whether they actually ASK you first how you feel, OR how things are going with the divorce. Dont be surprised! No. Of course my heart was ripped out and I have voiced my feelings about the whole situation to only be ignored. I said this very nicely and said please do what you want to do my choice doesnt have to be your choice.There have not been any issues thus far but we live a very long distance apart and no major events have happened yet ie graduations weddings etc. You hate him. Speak up. Regardless Id be willing to bet its very painful for your ex when her family cozies up to her ex like that. Just my two cents. As my kids have grown. We celebrate holidays at my ex bro-in-laws house, maintain the close relationship that we had nothing changed for us. Looks like you have a good excuse to blame everything on her. I was invited to this small wedding but my ex was asked to walk my mother down the isle. Apparently she saw the X ( the divorce was 20+ years ago) through mutual friends last month and he asked her if she thought I would want to hang out with him and his large group of friends, and. I am in the same boat kind of.. Grow up! { I try really hard to do whats best for my kids. My husband left me for his ex wife, This was just 2 years of our marriage. She can either put on her big girl panties and act like an adult who made a choice or be left out. Pretty insensitive dont you think? His mom likes his ex. He makes everyone think he is this wonderful guy who decided he wasnt happy being married and left abruptly and never looked back. 6. I havent spoken to my mom in 4 years. It sounds that the ex and your family have mutual respect and love for each other. "@type": "Question", I dont trust him and worry that if I were to let my guard down he would find a way to manipulate the situation. He now has a new partner and she has visited my mothers home attended family dinners and spent Xmas with my family while he was interstate visiting our daughter and grand children. My kids dont want to stand up for me as grown children and say why is our mother shunned from everything, its between her and our dad. Its stupid that people often think rebound relationships (you know, when someone moves quickly from one relationship to the next) are bad by definition. I came across this post because this was bothering me so much and wondered if others thought this was normal? I could no longer be a part of this. You need to control your reaction. but will drive 2 hours to spend holidays or special events with MY family. Its hard to understand how your own family can behave this way but unfortunately they do. I wish you would see this! While in her 20s, her mother using a fake email address wrote a letter posing as her daughter expressing her hatred of me. 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